June 13, 2021

#14: To me, weddings are just the culmination of a series of decisions and choices.

Weddings. To those of us who’ve experienced it firsthand, we know just how stressful all the decision making can be. There are flowers to choose, venues to select, dresses to try on, food to eat, and the answer to the age-old question: Band or DJ? Through it all, it’s easy to lose sight over the real purpose of the day.

This past weekend, my younger brother and his wife tied the knot after a year of pushbacks and uncertainty. While it wasn’t what they originally envisioned, the ceremony was very sweet, and because of the delay, they had the unique ability to have their beautiful daughter attend.

During their initial planning stages, Rob asked me to be one of his best men, a role I’ve never assumed before. With the pandemic shutting down and forcing people to reschedule, I had extra-time to think about what I wanted to say. As the day drew near, I started thinking about all the decisions leading up to that point. Not the one’s mentioned in this post’s opening; the one’s that led both of them to make those vows that day.

To me, weddings are just the culmination of a series of decisions and choices.

With this idea percolating in my head, I started to think about the history between the two, and from there, I let my fingers do the typing. After about an hour of straight writing, I had what I wanted to say, and sent it to the printer.

Throughout the wedding day, the speech, now a small, folded square, lay hidden behind my cerulean handkerchief, waiting to for its moment. After all the pictures were taken and all the drinks were drank, the ceremonial toasts were upon us. After both maids of honor said their own beautiful words, I was up next.

The speech transformed from the small square into the message I was about to speak.

With paper clutched, I looked out upon the crowd, “Good evening everyone. I’m Rob, Chris’ brother.” After some laugher at my opening mistake, I course corrected. “I mean, I’m Chris, Rob’s brother.”

I continued, “I could stand up here and recite stories about N64, GoldenEye, and Mario Kart games, but honestly, only a few people in this room will get them.” I could see smirks in the crowd of the people who would get those references.

“Instead, I want to turn our attention to the decision that Rob and Kaitlin made today; it’s a decision that not just brings us all here today, but one that’s the culmination of many other decisions,” I said.

“I could start at the beginning and acknowledge that in order for Kaitlin and Rob to state their vows today, four other people, their parents, had to first do the same first.” Chuckling, I added, “Then, they decided to move relatively close to one another.”

“Years later, Rob decided to get a job at Inatome. (I think he still works there). As Rob rose through the ranks there, Kaitlin decided to get a job there too, and eventually, the two decided to talk with each other.” Reader, for some context, Inatome is our local Japanese Steakhouse and where their relationship starts. (Also, if you go, try the Bar Chicken. You’ll thank me later.)

I continued, “They decided to joke around with each other. And ultimately, fall for each other.”

“Since then, many more decisions were made. Some that brought them closer together, and some that brought them further apart, but all of them contributed to the decision they made today.” I paused for a moment to let that sink in. In this moment, I hoped everyone was reflection on their own decisions and choices. I continued,” All of them, too, contributed to the birth of their beautiful daughter, Mia.”

“When you think about all the choices and decisions that litter the road to today, it really is quite amazing. It actually borders on being a miracle. At any point, they could have made other decisions, but they didn’t. They decided to be together.”

“So for today, Rob and Kaitlin, let’s all celebrate the choice you are making today as we all look forward to the rest of the decisions you’ll make together, for the rest of your life. Congratulations to you both!” With no more words left to read, I looked up from the page and saw Rob making his way towards me with extended arms. After our embrace, I did the same to my new sister-in-law.

In an older blog post, I wrote about what it would be like to step into other universes; a multi-verse created by the outcomes of different decisions and choices. Weddings, and by extension all celebrations, are a tribute to each choice and decision made up until that point, both the good and the bad.

A different decision may have led to a different outcome, but I believe for my brother and sister-in-law are happy to celebrate their decisions in this universe.

Thanks for reading.